A Gift

There are instances, circumstances, situations when one feels ashamed of oneself. It challenges one’s outlook and approach. One feels really small about one’s existence and that serves as a turning point.

I was privileged to experience this shame last week. I facilitated a session in women’s program. I spoke on well-being and these amazing group of 50 women seemed to like it. Their expressions, interest and energy offered me a space to communicate all that I wanted to in that short one hour, early morning. Their response made my day. Later some of them sent a message that they wanted to meet me personally. I felt honoured by their invitation and joined them for lunch. Over lunch one of them asked me, how does one protect and nurture one’s well-being? She looked a bit stressed out hence I suggested to pay attention to exercise, nutrition and how the release of “feel good” hormones help.

This woman said, “I must tell you that I have just recovered from second stage of cancer and have learnt my lesson on life, and I want to stay connected with you” ! The way she said it as a matter of fact, straight from her heart, without regret or any negative emotion, will stay with me for ever.

This was a conversation for just 2 minutes but I felt soooo.. ashamed of myself.

Should I not have asked her a simple question before I suggested a remedy – ” Is there anything happening in your life currently or happened recently”

Though I did not show it – there were tears in my heart for being so careless, insensitive and eager to give advice without asking right questions!  It was a revelation to me that most of the times I behave like this.

A mistake can’t be undone, but a genuine apology certainly helps remove unintentional negative feelings on either sides. I sent her a card expressing my desire to meet her again as she was inside the class. Next day this angel called up to tell me that we can meet in the next week. I was thankful for this opportunity to express my guilt of having hurt her (though unintentionally) and ask for forgiveness. She was magnanimous enough to say it is okay and we decided to meet at length.

Who has cancerous attitude?

Who needs to learn about well-being from whom?

Who is healthier?

Who is really living life?

This shame has given me my mentor, my personal board of directors  in this wonderful woman.

I am going to treasure this shame in me for ever – hopefully it will be a gatekeeper in my life – from being arrogant, being full of myself, not able to listen to others and so much more..

Thanks a ton my friend

Love and Hugs

Sukanya